Ever wonder?

I'll bet you do this, too, if you're a coffee drinker, anyway.

You have those two or three jolts of caffeine first thing in the morning, and then, (often while you're in the bathroom) the synapses start firing. Suddenly you're either in possession of the world's greatest wisdom or you're pondering questions that most of the rest of your day doesn't have time for.

Now, my last previous blog posting was a list, and normally it's not like me to post two lists in succession, but what the heck? It's my blog. And people do like lists. Just ask David Letterman.

Anyway, here is a list of things I wonder about sometimes after having that second cup of joe. Anyone know the answer to:

1. Why do people always assume that all cats are female? I have three cats. All of them are male (neutered.) But whenever someone comes in and sees one of my cats, they always refer to him as "she."

2. While we're on the subject of assuming, why does everyone in Washington, D.C. assume that everyone they meet is a fellow Democrat? From what I hear at parties, you'd get the idea that there are no Republicans in Washington. Or at the very least that D.C.'s Democrats are perfectly comfortable with offending you if you don't hold the same views they do.

3. And why do women assume that it's always incumbent upon men to leave the toilet seat down? Why don't we tell them to leave it up?

4. Why is rush hour called "rush hour?" Nobody's moving. They ought to call it "crawl hour," "ooze hour" or cocktail hour.

5. Why do stores put signs out front saying animals aren't allowed, "except service animals?" I assume that refers to seeing-eye dogs, and people with seeing-eye dogs can't read that sign anyway.

6. What was the reasoning behind car manufacturers' giving everybody a bicycle tire for a spare? Who made that suggestion? (And by the way, this is just a suggestion, but...let's find him and kill him.)

7. How do left-handed people manage to write? I'm always amazed when I watch a left-handed person in the supermarket checkout line writing a check. They PUSH that pen across the page. I'm right-handed; I PULL it. How does that pushing motion produce words?

8. Why do wine companies put the corks in wine bottles with an atomic-powered jackhammer, so that it takes a 20-mule team and the Jaws of Life to get the damn wine bottle open?

9. Why don't Bill Gates, Al Sharpton and Don King get decent haircuts? God knows they can all afford them.

10. Why does the Super Bowl always have a Roman numeral assigned to it, implying that it has the same historical significance as World War I, World War II or Pope John XXIII? They don't do that with the World Series. (Psst! Hint! M-A-R-K-E-T-I-N-G.)

11. Why do booksellers ship books wrapped in bubble-wrap? Books aren't breakable. But the last book I ordered came in the mail as mummified as if it were cut crystal.

12. Why aren't movie stars larger than life anymore? I'd give you 26 Reese Witherspoons for one Audrey Hepburn, 100 Nicole Richies for one Ava Gardner.

13. They can send probes to Jupiter. Why can't they figure out a way for passenger planes to avoid air turbulence?

14. Why do hotels refer to paying customers as "guests?"

15. Why is driving with an .08 blood alcohol level considered a Scarlet-letter sin, while driving with a cell phone plastered to your stupid head is completely tolerated?

16. Why is it that when you buy one tomato at the supermarket, the plastic bag you yank off the roll to put it in is big enough for a dozen watermelons?

17. Why don't they give up on those stupid "blow-dry" gizmos in restrooms for drying your hands? They don't work. You stick your hands under one of those things for five minutes and you still end up wiping them on your pants.

18. Why is it that every time you get used to a handy software feature, when the next version comes out, they've gotten rid of that feature?

19. Why do DVDs come with promotions for other movies before the main feature you want to see? I assume one of the reasons you rented that DVD was to AVOID commercials. And besides, once the DVD is a few years old, nobody cares about the come-ons for those old movies anyway.

20. Presumably, Commissioner Gordon had once been a detective. So why did he never tumble to the fact that Bruce Wayne and Batman had the same telephone voice?

21. And while we're on the subject of Batman, the Batmobile ran on atomic power, right? I never noticed that the Batmobile went any faster in traffic than any other car. So what was the advantage of having it run on atomic batteries?

22. And finally ... Why doesn't Britney Spears just go away and never come back? And take Michael Jackson with her while she's at it? As far as I'm concerned, the two of them can go spend eternity playing cribbage at the Henry Winkler Home for Has-Beens (or in Britney's case, never-was-es.)